My C.I.A. name is Hans VanStruder. I am German and I am on a mission from God.

Well, there’s good news and bad news. First, the bad news, I don't have cancer, so Hobbs probably doesn’t have to shave his head. But he should give me booze just the same. So, yeah, I might not have cancer, but I do get to have some neato surgery. They is gonna cut my neck up all fancy. Scars are cool. The only bad thing would be if they have to cut some nerve and I can no longer do that thing that makes all the sinews of the neck come out…hmm…hard thing to describe I guess. Anyway, next Thursday, Logan goes under the knife. That should be a grand ol’ time.

I might gain 12 more pounds by the end of this semester as I still have 73 of 150 meals left to use and I have been using as many as I could lately. Man, getting fat is hard; it is looking like Tom and Hobbs that is easy. Just be so lazy that you don’t make it to the kitchen. And to look like Brad is really hard, first you have to be born into an incredibly ugly family (We’ll never know how hottie Mark came out of there) and then you have to work out too much to become all beefy and scary. But then you become so big that no one will fight you and then we never have any fun. So, yeah, I should go buy a couple dozen more Winterness cookies and eat ‘em all at once. I am putting on a blubber insulation layer.

Last night I tried out to be the new host of a trivia gameshow for the college tv station, despite the fact that I am leaving. They needed filler and that if my nickname, so I came to the rescue. Anyway, I am know I am shrinking cause I managed to button the top button of one of my old pink shirts. But I also got called Dilbert, so it can't be all bad. And now I am sure they want me to host the damn show because of my wittitude, cause I actually made funny of the answers people gave rather than the people. I guess the other guys must have been retards.

Also, for Scott, visit http://www.kontraband.com/ and watch the Smurf video. Damn fine stuff. The rest of you stay the hell away.

Alright, gotta do some shit before going to work and spitting on all the pizzas.
Peace.